Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Topical? Neigh...

Horse meat. Now there's a topic I can get my teeth into. ***Pun alert, pun alert, the word 'Horse' will be censored for your own safety***. Certainly not a task I'll balk at. No sir-ee, some would choose not to flog such a freshly dead CHEESE, certainly would be in bad taste, yet I am not one such to get on my own high CHEESE. Straight from the CHEESE's mouth dear folks, I will most certainly address this most contentious of issues, deaf to the cries that I'm closing the gate on the matter after the CHEESE has bolted.

To begin with, I must attest that I am well aware of the seething hatred that this issue has roused within the general public, I mean, who couldn't help but notice the mass Tesco bans, the burger burning (that might just be my cooking) and the general outcry? Wait. None of that happened now did it? Could this be another occurrence of media disproportion? Surely not. That great champion of public morality would never incite baseless hysteria, would it now? Well, perhaps my thinly veiled sarcasm is not completely apt in this circumstance, it would appear that numerous cases of dodgy horse from across the EU has entered the food chain, so a moderate level of hysteria might be warranted. But in all honesty, if growing up on the mean streets of London has taught me anything, you'd be lucky to know whether your meat came from something with 4 legs, let alone the species. When you've eaten a kebab at 2 am completely rat-arsed, you loose all complaining privileges.

I'd pay good money to eat a horse. Hell, I'd pay good money to know that the meat I'm eating is from a creature that I couldn't beat in a fist fight, makes me feel mentally adequate for once. You might not  like to admit it, but more likely than not, you've probably ingested all sorts of unique meats. There's more meat in a banana than in some of those godawful things they try to pass off as pork products. Don't even get me started on chicken; two words, reconstituted meat. So yeah, a little veterinary medication in the food chain never hurt anyone and look on the bright side, it turns out we exported most of our poisoned meat to the french! That's gotta count for something.

Joke to show just how late to the game I am

Q. Why was the calander anxious?
A. Its days were numbered