Friday, 29 June 2012

Oh God, not this again...

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Without exams to circumscribe,
I’m free to write a diatribe!

Hello, hello, hello dear readers! The joyous days of my repeated attempts to entertain, confuse and, if the past posts are anything to go by, fail miserably to write in an effective, coherent manner, can once again commence. Had you bothered to read to any semblance of depth, you’d have noticed the previous post was concluded with a godawful joke. Now, before you think my flawless joke record besmirched by that abomination, it was, in fact written as the conclusion of the first post by my brand spanking new co-author, Brodie.C *insert appropriate level of fanfare here*. Hopefully his peculiar mind will birth posts as stillborn as my own, can’t have him outshining me now, can I?

Exams. The bane of my existence till not so long ago, yet with the great beast slain and my time finally wrenched from its all encompassing tyranny, I am left without my greatest motivator for updating this infernal time wasting dohicky; procrastination. My time is my own and now that I fill it with whatever and whichever pointless banality that my feckless mind deems fit, I have no reason to return to this platform in refuge under the crushing weight of responsibility. Meh, I guess I’ll just have to write spurious nonsense out of a misbegotten sense of purpose rather than whatever stupidity I previously thought constituted a tenable reason instead.

It is precisely here that I have run out of interesting things to tell you all, “You never let that stop you in the past!” I hear you cry, to you I say, “Fuck off, you try better”. However, I have decided a decent use for you, my bumbling collective; a tool of shame! That’s right; I shall divulge my goals to you in an attempt to shame myself through the laziness barrier, over the time wasting straits of procrastination right into the sweet bosom of self fulfilment.  First and foremost, exercise; my rolls could stock a large bakery. Secondly, learn maths; my skills with said matter are so bad, were I to die, humanity’s collective mathematical ability will actually increase by a sizable degree. Thirdly, write more of this bollocks. During the course of the summer period, I plan to get a fair few posts written of a quality unrivalled by anyone bar the mentally challenged and the illiterate.

There you have it; your summer of fun has just begun. Yay...

A joke twice as bad to make up for the previous post, hint hint, my humour impaired compatriot:

Q. What sort of tiles cannot be stuck on walls?
A. Reptiles!